Weekly Affirmations - Sep 4th - Sep 11thHealing After a Major Loss
I was scrolling through my Google Photos account one day and I had no idea that many of the moments captured were there. I have photos dated back to July 2007; the year I left Engineering to pursue my online career. It’s hard to believe that was a decade ago. This discovery brought back so many memories of the growth of my business, the moments of change within and the timeline of expansion and growth of Self. Then, I came to the 2012 timeline. This year was an eclipse for me. This was the year that I began to shed so much of what wasn’t the truth of me. It was the beginning of Dark Night of the Soul.
This was a picture of my US team. We met every Monday to check in and set the week off with tasks, incomplete orders, marketing ideas, social media stuff and the whole sha-bang. Meeting each week was a necessary component of the business in order to keep a virtual team engaged, aware and in the loop. Since we were all in different places, it was the only time we had to see each other face-to-face and catch up.
I captured this shot during a meeting for an upcoming workshop that I facilitated, called Google Business Bootcamp. You see, due to the success of my business and how I used the digital space to operate and grow my business, Google took notice and contracted me out to do workshops for minority-owned small businesses to help the owners see the importance of having an online presence. My tenure with Google as a spotlight business, running workshops and Google as a sponsor for my business was roughly two years. I was theeee bomb-dot-com!! Oh, yes! Revenue was on point, I had Google pushing me and supporting everything I did AAANNNND… I
was doing business with hundreds of Fortune 500 companies that found my business online. This was such an exciting time!!!
Allow me to explain something, so that you can get the full gist of the message here:
I did all of the digital marketing for my business. Its online success was due to Search Engine Optimization (SEO) where hundreds of the targeted keywords were number one in the search results. This led to the website being a number one brand for our products and services online. How I did business with brands like Home Depot, Walmart, Apple, Frito Lay, UPS, Oscars, Saturday Night Live?…I can go on and on, but I think you get the gist….is because my business was the #1 search result when someone in that company searched for a product they needed.
Every day…and I mean EVERY DAY…I would search many of the keywords that we were ranking for to see if the website was still there as number one because I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that one day it would not be there; and if it is not there, this means death to my business.
During the dot com crash, I am fully aware of what is going on because the SEO communities that I am apart of are talking about it. People are losing their businesses in droves. This only ads charge to my fear of dropping positions in the search results, so now I’m nervous and every day I keep checking for those keywords until one day my business is NOT there. I had already seen the signs in revenue and a serious reduction in the amount of orders coming in. Fourth quarter earnings were always the highest, bringing in several hundreds of THOUSANDS of dollars and these numbers dropped dramatically.
This trend overlaps into 2013, to the point where I had to start letting team members go. I let go of all but one of my US team members and all of my team members abroad were put on hold….I. WAS. SICK!! Literally!! But, I held on. Yes, I was still in business due to repeat customers and a dope email list, but something was different. Not only were my pockets bleeding and my bank account cracking jokes at me, it was a different feeling. Where the idea of this business was once ease and flow, now it is resistance, efforting and painful. I still couldn’t let go tho…well, you know;
- Google is backing me…
- Small business owners look up to me….
- I do my own SEO, what would this look like? There’s no one else to blame….
- What will people think…
- This business is my baby, I started it, I grew it…
- Hell, I have an image to uphold!!!
I realized that the more I held on, the more resistance I felt. Thing is, it wasn’t that I loved the business so much, I was attached to the ILLusions it represented. In order to heal, I had to let go. So, I began to slowly let go and what I discovered was letting go was actually aligning with my Truth. Basically, I took a sabbatical and during this time I focused on Self-growth through meditation, yoga, affirmations and tons of reading, studying and energy work. I felt like Job…”What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.”, Job 3:25. All because, I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that one day it would not be there; and if it is not there, this means death to my business. Remember this?
And there it is…imagine the sh*t on my face look when Spirit pointed out to me that I created it! Stumped and stunned there was no doubt about it; I created the “loss” just the same as I created the “win”. Daaaaaayyuuum! Where thought goes, energy flows and that nagging thought in the back of my mind held the vibration of a “loss” steady until it crystallized into an experience. Oh, and remember this, too?
Every day…and I mean EVERY DAY…I would search many of the keywords that we were ranking for to see if the website was still there.
Why was I even searching? Why wouldn’t it be there? I did the SEO? Was I searching for it to be there or not to be there? What was I looking for? Better yet, what was I cre-a-ting?????
Doubt! Doubt! And doubt some more!!! Listen, I can not stress enough how true it is that we create our own reality. Everything is energy! Everything!! This was such a wake-up call for me and it became sooooo totally clear to me that this was no coincidence. This was CREATION!!
After the awareness of how this all went down, it was easier for me to let go because I now knew that it was part of my journey. I knew in all of it, there were aspects of me showing up. I began to shed not only my attachment to the business but also my attachments to my perspective of me at the time (feeling like a loser),
attachments to the image of what success looks like,
attachments to letting people down…
attachments to what others think of me..
attachments to other people’s beliefs..
There were sooo many things, ideals, beliefs and rituals that I was attached to that I discovered were not of my own desires. I used this affirmation to help release these attachments:
“I release all attachments to all beliefs that are not truly me. I let go of caring about what other people think. I am joyful and peaceful.”
I can’t tell you what your experience will be when you recite this affirmation, but when I would recite this during meditation, I would feel all resistance reside. I felt tension leave my body. I would feel myself letting go and I would be guided on what to let go by images appearing (associative memory) as I recite this. This was and still is a powerful affirmation when you are going through change or simply just need to vibrate higher.
I know that to be truthful is to be vulnerable and vulnerability springs forth transparency. When we can share our lowest lows just the same as we do our highest of highs, not only do we heal ourselves, but we build a bridge/connection to the hearts of others that will help them heal. We are all in this together. No one stands alone. We are mirrors of one another, playing out an aspect or role based on the perspective of our beliefs as the viewer. This is why I share. Sharing is caring…sounds so corny and cliche’, but it is the truth.
It is my intention that whoever is attracted to this content (btw, if you are still reading…it’s you) that you realize that whatever it is you are going through is temporary and it is a story… your story! This is a journey…your journey! It is you showing up as YOU in all of your experiences and you are not a victim. Yeah, I could have blamed Google and their funky bipolar algorithms and played the victim role, but that wouldn’t make me a true Creator. Victimization renders you powerless. Accountability makes you a Creator! This is EMPOWERMENT! And you may not know quite how you got where you are or how you are creating your heaven or your hell, but I promise you when you begin to ask questions like,
- How did I get here? and
- What am I not seeing in this?
- What could I have done differently?
you will get answers. You can start by using this affirmation and doing a daily meditation session.
Here is a live session I did in partnership with The Laya Center. You can follow along with guidance until you get to a place where you can guide yourself.
This meditation focuses on the heart. You can view it here, go to the actual post link or view it on Youtube. Add it to your playlist and fast forward to the actual meditation.
It is my utmost joy to be able to share with you in hopes that something you read, hear or watch will spark a change within you that will help you vibrate higher.
And always….feel free to reach out to me with any questions you have regarding meditation, affirmations or living with intention.
Latest posts by Leah (see all)
- 7 Reasons Why Meditation Isn’t Working for You - April 2, 2019
- How to Use Dreams for Personal Development & Growth - March 11, 2018
- How to Feel Better Instantly - October 22, 2017