Weekly Affirmations - Aug 14th - Aug 21stYour Heart's Desire
For 10 years I woke up daily, dreading my career. For 10 years I felt insecure against my colleagues and unsure of how much I knew in the field and felt guilty for not wanting to know more (because I was done and tired of it); and for 10 years I stayed in this field as a woman in STEM standing on the sidelines and outskirts of the good-ole-boy network, completely NOT included in the conversations and engagement that would propel me in my career. You see, I am a Civil Engineer who never grasped the joy in practicing any of it.
My last engineering job was one of theeee WORST experiences of my LIFE!!!
I worked for a government agency (go figure) and just about every person was unhappy, complained daily, felt stuck and no one really wanted to be there or do what they were doing. They were there simply because they felt they had to be. I made a vow to myself that I would not be there for 30 years, old, mad and miserable like most of the people I said a cheery “Good Morning” to every day.
Things got so bad at this place, especially between my supervisor (who was a friend and got me the job…ugh!) and me that I had to be moved to another department…just to keep my job! Due to our butting heads, we met with our manager and I never forget his question to me; he asks: “Do you want to be in this field?” At the brink of the question, I felt heat in my body, my throat tense and swell and a gut wrenching need to just run out of the building. Then, I answered, “Yes!” Wait, wha?
I lied! I completely told a bold-faced lie to this man. I was sooo ready to leave that place, leave those people and leave engineering all together…but I couldn’t own up to that truth at that time and in that moment. Having fled from Ohio during a divorce battle (I’ll get to that one day), I had two kids in tow, a Ford Expedition stuffed with all I could muster up to grab and pack (by myself), no savings, depleted my retirement and straight up living from paycheck to paycheck…this job was all that I could see that I had. Here are the lies I told myself about why I lied…
- I’m a single mom with two kids and I need this job.
- If I admit it, I might get fired.
- I need health insurance.
- If I leave now, how will I pay for anything?
- My business can not replace my salary right now, so I have to stay.
- I need about 6 months, yeah…6 months should be good.
These were the “reasons” I wanted to believe because when you can’t see past your own muck that you created for yourself, your situation becomes everybody else’s fault and the excuses become the stronghold glueing together the fragments of lies. The undeniable truth is (I see it now..back then I could see nothing but my excuses) I didn’t know ME. I was too afraid to step into the unknown and follow my heart. I was used to life a certain way…the way that I was told to do it…the way that everyone else was doing it…the way that I was expected to do it….the way that made everyone happy, except me.
DON’T LET THIS BE YOU!! We are in a new space, energetically. This is REVEALATION…the time of REVEAL. It is also eclipse season!! You. Are. Showing. Up! In every situation. It is time to follow your heart. Do what interests you. Set your intentions to align yourself with your heart to experience your Truth. Trust me, this isn’t always an easy task, but it is necessary.
If you are in a space where you are not comfortable with quitting what you are currently doing, it’s ok. Perhaps, you are in the transition phase with a few side gigs while you keep the gig that’s keeping the lights on…that’s ok too. There is no need to make abrupt moves when you are not comfortable with doing so. But guess what…I’m here to help! These are some of the affirmations I use to build the muscle of confidence that clears the fog so that I can see the path that gets me to the next logical step that navigates me to where I want to be:
I am always where I’m supposed to be. My path is revealed to me at the right times. I trust the process of the unfoldment.
This affirmation opens up many, many possibilities and sets the expectation for your intentions. First, you are accepting where you are and you are acknowledging receipt of where you want to be by trusting the process. It is a process!
Share some of your favorite affirmations in the comments.
Until next week!